Reflective
by TwistedSky
Summary: The wounds had healed. But the scars reminded her of why she was here, with him. Even more so than birthdays, these kinds of events made her reflective. Chloe/Oliver.


***doesn't own* Yup. Just some internal Chloe time. **

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Chloe Sullivan had not simply awoken one day and not loved Clark Kent. No, it had been a long and arduous process.

It had certainly been long.

From the moment she had met him, she had known he was special. And Chloe had always wanted to be special. She had wanted journalistic glory-not so much that she needed the celebrity, but that she desperately wanted to find truth, and be rewarded for it. She had wanted _more_.

She had spent most of her life searching for truth until one day she realized that was she was really searching was justice.

But that was besides the point. Chloe didn't just want to save the world-in her own way-she wanted someone to _get _her. She hadn't wanted to be alone.

So when she met Clark Kent, there was a part of her that wanted that plaid-wearing farm boy to be that person.

He wasn't.

And he never would be.

Not for lack of trying on her part, that was for sure.

She was, simply, the best friend. And for years, that's all she was. Eventually, she discovered Clark's secret, and she became his . . . Sidekick-or at least she had liked to think that was the case, but eventually she had realized that she was simply caught up in all things weird and unexplained. He was simply caught up in his own life.

She was caught up in Clark Kent and everything that _he _was. Clark was caught up in Lana, in school, in other nonsense. In time, that turned into Lana, the Daily Planet, and saving the world. And eventually, Lois replaced Lana in his affections, and he somehow became less and less human, but at least he had her to keep him grounded. That Clark-he had never understood her.

She hadn't realized that at first.

She had been so in love with Clark Kent. Clark Kent, not even the idea of him. Him. The adorable farm boy who loved his parents, who wanted desperately to fit in, yet rose to the occasion and saved the world whenever he had to.

She wasn't sure that there was a moment at which she had just stopped loving Clark.

A series of very unfortunate events led her to the realization that not only was Clark not her hero, he was barely her friend-let alone the best.

At first it had been small things. Sure, he hadn't informed her of his secret identity. But that made sense, right? He couldn't go around trusting just anyone with that kind of knowledge. A little voice inside of her insisted that _she was not just anyone_.

Or, maybe she was.

He had loved Lana, but hey, lots of people spend years waiting for the people they love to wake up and suddenly realize how amazing they are. Except, Clark had never woken up. _Stupid romantic comedies and their lies._ Happy endings existed, of that she was sure. But not for her and Clark.

What was it that that song said? _The first cut is the deepest._

Of that, she was not so sure.

But she did know that every time she'd watched Clark look pathetically at Lana she'd felt a stab to her heart. Deeper and deeper. The realization that Clark just didn't even understand her feelings for him nearly sent her into a rage.

She'd pushed down those feelings though, and put on a happy smile, continuing to be Clark's happy best friend/sidekick.

She had continued to hope until she couldn't do so anymore. The time Lionel had used her feelings for Clark to humiliate her had created a wound so deep, she'd thought she felt herself die a little inside.

She did not want to live her life _only _waiting. She began her life.

So maybe it had been Jimmy. Or the Daily Planet. Maybe the combination of those two things had finally allowed to her to get over Clark Kent. Made those wounds stop bleeding.

Jimmy had tried to fill that void inside of her. She'd tried to let him. But by that time, Clark and his "save the world, be an alien" business had already changed her.

_She always did have a thing for heroes. _

Yet, she stuck it out anyway. Jimmy represented normalcy. He was sweet, he was smart, he was ambitious.(He was a photographer for the Daily Planet after all. He had dreams.)

When she had gotten involved with Oliver and his band of merry men-maybe that had been a moment. At the very least, it was one of several very important ones. _Because getting over Clark Kent didn't just mean stop loving him, it meant letting go._

From the moment Oliver's eyes had lit up in surprise, and he called her "Sidekick," she hadn't "belonged" to Clark Kent anymore.

By that point, her heart had been (mostly) Jimmy's, her skills had been used for the betterment of the world, and her life no longer revolved around Clark Kent. But she still had journalism. _Not for long. _

Soon after, her life hadn't revolved around either of the things that had once meant everything to her.

Then, one day, she realized that she would never be able to give herself completely to Jimmy. She should have broken it off then. Often she wished that she could smack her slightly younger self. And tell her to let go.

"_Marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life."_

Jimmy had left her. Some part of herself-a dark part that sickened her now-had just wanted to be needed. She'd wanted to be loved, to be needed, to be necessary.

Sure, she was helpful, but no one needed her. They just used her when it was convenient for them.

Usually she was okay with that.

She had tried to save Clark. And Davis. _Martyrdom really didn't suit her._

But that moment that Oliver had looked at her and asked, "When did you become one of the bad guys?" she'd realized how wrong she had been.

Jimmy had died. And maybe Davis hadn't been worth saving. She lost almost everything, but she had found herself, hiding behind the versions of her that other people had needed her to be. Or made her into.

She was not a hero.

She was a sidekick.

Sidekicks don't get to make the rules. They're not the ones who make the _heroic_-oh, how she hated that word sometimes!-sacrifices.

She had fallen, horribly. She'd made her mistakes. She'd hoped that she had been doing the right thing. And she had been wrong.

But she had come out of it stronger than ever. Clark had _left_. She wasn't enough to keep him anchored in this _human _world. Apparently Lois was enough to bring him back.

She didn't really blame him. After all, he had a destiny. And she had . . . Well, what did she have? Herself. And maybe she wasn't a hero. But the ones around her certainly needed her if they were going to get their acts together.

Chloe became what was needed. Watchtower.

Chloe had hardened her heart. It became harder to hurt her.

Even when Lois had returned things hadn't gotten back to normal.

Lois.

Lois seemed to have everything, didn't she? The boy she had once loved, the job she had once coveted . . . And the heart of Oliver Queen-even years after they'd stopped being together.

Or so it had seemed. She'd thought Oliver had been safe. They were supposed to be having fun, and he was still in love with Lois. That had caused an unwanted _pang _in her heart when she'd realized that. But she'd pushed that down. Deep.

She had saved him. But what she hadn't told him was that if it hadn't been for him-and the rest of the team- needing her, she would have been the one in need of saving.

She had needed something. She had the Watchtower. She had buried herself in her duties, barely being human. Oliver, however, had been relentless. He'd started peeling back her defenses, until she let him in. She hadn't really let herself think about why he'd want in anyway. So she let herself have fun.

And they had been having _fun_. It had been really, _really _fun.

She had betrayed him though, barely noticing her descent into immorality. She couldn't see the lines anymore. Everything was rather . . . Gray. The money had been insurance. She was trying to save the planet.

Oliver had forgiven her.

There had been a part of her that had seen that moment as a way for Oliver to leave her. That same part had almost wanted him to leave her, because she didn't deserve to be happy. And Oliver made her happy.

But he hadn't left her. In fact, they'd gotten closer. While at the McDougal Inn, she and Oliver had reestablished that they were just having fun, no strings. No ribbons. _The strings, however, were already there. _

It was at that moment, outside with Oliver, that she'd realized that she truly had gotten over Clark. He would never be hers. And she didn't want him anymore, she really didn't.

What she really needed was to be wanted. Until Oliver, no one had ever understood that.

He understood _her_.

And in some version of the future that had already not come to pass, he had let her be the hero. Even now when he called her his sidekick, she realized that she was his partner, and he took everything she said seriously. They weren't quite equals, but they complemented one another.

At times they hadn't trusted each other, but now they did. They had both sunk deep into darkness, and they'd both returned, better and stronger. She was his failsafe, and he hers. Finally, they were on the same wavelength.

After he had disappeared, after she had fought to get him back, she'd wondered whether she should pretend that she didn't love him. That she hadn't said, or meant, the words.

But he'd looked at her and seen the self-doubt on her face. He had smiled, and told her that he wouldn't believe it if she lied, even if she said it with a straight face. Her face had broken out in a relieved smile at that.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Sidekick."

There was no doubt after that. No more backsliding, because they had each other.

She got _him_. That, of course, was the easy part. The hard part was accepting that somehow, inexplicably, he got her too.

It really shouldn't have shocked her so much, but it did. Yet, once she got over the initial shock, she felt like she'd finally found it. She had found what she had been looking for her entire life. And she wasn't letting go.

_They were happy. _And for as long as humanly possible, they were going to stay that way. Together.

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As Chloe Sullivan stood ready to walk towards her soon-to-be husband, she smiled. Weddings, even more so than birthdays, made her reflective.

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